10 essential tips for surviving the postpartum period

Welcome to the joyous world of postpartum, a place filled with diapers, crying, regurgitation and nights that often feel like an endless episode of The Walking Dead.

But don't panic, young parents! Keep in mind that "everything passes" (a corny but comforting phrase passed down between survivors since the dawn of time, to be repeated over and over again, a bit like a mystical incantation in case of imminent meltdown). And in the meantime, here are ten mommy tips for whistling, crying, singing or shouting your way through the battlefield of parenthood, where your only superpower is the unconditional love you have for your mini-you. Your second superpower is breastfeeding, of course.

  • Wear kangaroo briefs: we start with the best, of course. After giving birth, forget sexy lingerie and tight-fitting outfits. Kangaroo briefs will be your new friend. They're huge and a visual assault, but they're comfortable and clearly the only ones who understand what your body is going through.
  • Sleep, anytime, anywhere: yes, sleep deprivation is torture, yes it drives you crazy and yes, most likely your child knows this and is testing you. He may even have made a pact with the cat to annihilate you and rule the world mwahaha (read with demonic Disney character laughter)! Ok, we digress, the effects of sleep deprivation surely. So napping will become your new favorite pastime. At the slightest micro opportunity, close your eyes... Oh sorry, mother-in-law, you were saying?
  • Jointhe 5 meals a day club If you're breastfeeding, you're now officially an all-you-can-eat buffet. Thought you were eating for two during pregnancy? That was just a warm-up. Trust your body and listen to your needs. Breastfeeding is the best adventure there is, but it requires strength. Without quality fuel, no one will get anywhere! And to make breastfeeding easier everywhere and all the time, opt for a signed dressing room. Milk Awaythe only stylish brand with truly invisible, perfectly located pulls. 
  • Put on a helmet: a crying baby at 3 a.m. is as unavoidable as a shedding dog. But remember, crying is your newborn's only means of communication, not a personal attack. Imagine being stuck in a mini-body, uncomfortable and not yet super-efficient, with no vocabulary words to explain your vital needs. Frankly, just thinking about it makes you want to cry too. So, to avoid bleeding eardrums, we treat ourselves to a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones to limit decibels and turn a night of insomnia into a night... with a little less insomnia.
  • Wear sunglasses: clocks are now decorative. You're now on "baby time", a mysterious time zone where days and nights are interchangeable. The purpose of sunglasses is not style, but not to frighten your loved ones with your new roommates, namely your abysmal dark circles. What's more, they give the illusion that you're constantly on vacation, even if your only destination is the sofa, or the bed, or the rocking chair.
  • Adopt the "mummy bun": a messy chignon is the ideal postpartum hairstyle. He says, "I haven't slept, I haven't showered, but at least my hair isn't in carrot puree. And that's already a victory!" In short, he's saying "leave me alone" without even needing to be verbally obnoxious.
  • Equip yourself with a giant bib: baby's regurgitation and vomiting are unpredictable and frequent, if the endless videos circulating on the web are anything to go by. In short, get equipped (with full nursing clothes) and above all, get the washing machine serviced before the arrival on earth of such a cute little being.
  • Put on a suit of armor: or sign up for self-defense classes to learn how to fend off enemies. Be prepared, as derogatory comments and unsolicited advice are bound to rain down. In fact, every sentence that starts with "Yes BUT, you know, in my day..." is likely to put a strain on your nerves. Smile, say no thanks, and walk away without remorse.
  • Dancing the hormone waltz: one moment you're laughing, the next you're crying over a toilet paper advert. It's normal, you'll get over it, you're on a hormonal rollercoaster. There's nothing you can do but tell the people around you that you're always right and that you shouldn't be upset under any circumstances. None whatsoever. And if it turns out, by the merest chance, that you were wrong after all, well, there's no need to point it out.
  • Laugh at everything: Yes, even when you find a dirty diaper forgotten in the fridge. Your baby's crying for two, so there's no need to overdo it. So go for the fun option!

Surviving postpartum can be a challenge, but with a sense of humor and a lot of love for this little being who has just joined your life, you're ready for this great adventure!

Good luck to you, dear Super-Womum!

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Photo credit: Unsplah - Barbara Verge